Who Dat!

As Seen on the Street

Love this license plate, on a CRV no less. Dang, if I was a trophy wife I would want a more expensive car. I'm just saying.

Favorite Thing

Just like Oprah, (my hero) I want to share one of my favorite things.

Fred Soll's incense. Made in New Mexico. My favorite is the Pinon Incense. The smell is so relaxing. We had friends in New Mexico who were burning this in their house. We fell in love with the smell. They gave us a pack and now we are addicted.

This incense is a little more expensive than your average incense but so worth it. It has a great strong smell and we ration it at our house. I was burning some the other day when my husband came home and he made the comment that "I thought we were only buring this when we were both around to enjoy it." Sorry, it is too hard to resist.

Try this incense. I highly recommend it.

Click here for more information about Fred Soll's incense.

Gray or Not and Other Ramblings About Ageing

Well, I have had a crazy two months. First I turned 50 and then I had a total hysterectomy.

There is nothing like turning 50 and a hysterectomy to start you thinking about aging.

When you are in your twenties you never think that you will ever get old. I remember when I first started working in a professional office there were women in their 40's and 50's and I never gave a second thought about them being old but I knew they were older and wiser than I. Now, I AM THAT PERSON in the office.

I so don't want to be the old cranky lady in the office but sometimes I wonder if that is how I am perceived. I sometimes don't feel as valued as younger workers mainly because of my appearance. I'm ordinary looking, overweight and have grayish hair. I KNOW that there is prejudice in the workplace based on age and appearance. I can see that the 50 something men in my office prefer to take younger cuter women on client visits verses a 50 year old woman regardless of experience. (Does this make them pigs? Don't answer that.)

At one of my previous jobs I had worked very hard to lose weight. I successfully lost 40 pounds and was amazed that many of the people who I was invisible to before suddenly were engaging with me. Instead of being flattered it pissed me off. I vowed that if I ever had my own business I was only going to hire fat women because they are so overlooked and undervalued solely based on their looks.

There was a person in that office who once actually made a comment to me that "could you imagine so and so being in that position?" He was talking about another woman in the office who was overweight. The position he was speaking of was a job that entailed visiting clients at their work site and talking about insurance products. It was appalling to me that he thought that a large woman could not do an effective job just because she was overweight. This particular woman was beautiful inside and out. She was always put together and one of the hardest workers I knew. YES, I could imagine her in that position! She would have kicked ass.

I personally find that not all of my clients work well with overly attractive botoxed, breast enhanced, collagen injected individuals. In my opinion, there are many people who find this distracting and it makes them uncomfortable. I feel that I personally, because of my age and appearance am less threatening and therefore put my clients at ease. I especially feel this way about women clients. They feel that they are working with an authentic individual who does not look artificial. I think they are less distracted and grateful for real meaningful production. (Personal opinion here folks.) Does being botoxed, enhanced and hot mean that you are less hard working? I don't think so, but I also think that it might give some individuals the impression that you might be more inclined to worry about your appearance more than doing some hard work. (whoa, reverse discrimination at work). It's all about perception.

Now that I am 50 I have age discrimination on my mind. My husband is over 50 and was laid off a year ago. He is one of the most capable people I know. He is also in excellent physical condition and works out almost every day. He has had a hell of a time even getting interviewed in his field. I KNOW that companies discriminate based on his age. In this time of online resume's one downside is that people only see what is on paper and there is no personal interaction. It's easy to deduce age by your experience. It is also easy to deduce that an older person may have more experience and therefore expect a higher salary. I opine that employers are currently using the economy as an excuse to pay workers lower salaries. I have seen this first hand with some of my clients who have let higher paid workers go just to turn around and hire for the same or a similar position with a lower salary. (You get what you pay for.) I also think that is should be illegal to ask potential employees about their salary history - but hey, that's just me.

Now, on to the whole superficial reason that I was going to blog about today - gray hair.

I started graying in my 20's. I started dyeing my hair in my 20's. A couple of years ago I decided to quit dyeing my hair to see how gray I really was. Both of my parents had grey hair and my Mothers hair is completely white at 74 years of age.

So when my natural hair grew out it was pretty gray but not awful. It almost looked highlighted, however when I get in natural light you can see that it is actually gray and even silver.

I do not see many professional women withnatural gray hair. When I see one in a crowd I secretly am cheering them on inside - you go girl! I think to myself that I am happy they are confident, natural and not afraid..(revelation - I think I may be afraid of my gray hair.) More often I see professional women with colored hair. Do they look better? Do they do a better job because they color their hair? I don't think so. I won't be popular for saying this, but I think there is some truth to it. Men in the professional world would prefer to work with women who do not have gray hair. I don't like it but I think it is true for whatever reason.

I am feeling some pressure to look younger, especially at the workplace. Yes, I admit that I am insecure on many levels. Part of me wants to be natural and authentic. Part of me wants to show the world - HERE'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE PEOPLE! GREY, IN YOUR FACE. Part of me wants to override natural and authentic and color my hair. Should I do it?

Here are my questions -

Why do I feel the pressure to make myself look younger? Can't I just accept myself as I am?

Will dyeing my hair again make me look younger or will it just look like an older person trying to look younger?

People at work have already seen my grey hair. How fake am I if I now come to work with colored hair? (I don't like to see men dye their hair) If I dye my hair again does that make me a phony?

Why is it that men in their 50's with grey hair are considered sexy (silver fox) but women are considered grandmotherly?

Why can't I accept myself as I am?

Why do I care so much what other people think?

Should I do it anyways?