On Fabulous Bags and Nudists

My cousin Phyl was in town this weekend. We went shopping at Ross because I needed some new shorts. I needed them because I could not fit my big butt into last years shorts. Sheesh. I hate when that happens.

So once we get int he store we go into a shopping trance. We separate. I touch every item in home wares. I try on fifty pairs of shorts. This is tough since the fitting room only allows eight items at at time.

So I finally get to the purse department and am admiring all of the purses. I don't need a purse. But I am totally lusting after a few. I spy this cool zebra-ish blingy Betsey Johnson Betsey-ville bag. Huge. Totally cool. I'm fondling it lovingly and thinking how beautiful I would be if I only had this purse. Then I notice this woman carrying about six of these bags and she is obviously buying every Bestsey-ville purse she can get her hands on.

So now my greediness kicks in. I'm thinking she must know something about these purses that I don't know. Yes they have a $100 original price and are now selling for $60 at Ross. Yes they are totally cool. Then I'm thinking she must be re-selling them. Crap, I need money, maybe I should be re-selling them. I should buy a bunch of these bags and sell them on e-bay or something. I grab the one purse and throw it in my cart. She is eyeing it madly. I sneak to a private corner and use my blackberry to check e-bay prices on these bags. It was a huge pain int he ass and I really couldn't see the bags well on my phone screen. Not only is my ass to big for my shorts but I'm half deaf and now I am going blind. Crap!

So I call my sister in Maine who is the e-bay expert. "B. what do you think of these bags. Why is this chick buying them all. Should I be getting in on the actions?!" After much discussion about hand bags and what sells we decided that it would not be worth the purchase price and auction fees for me to sell these bags.

For some strange reason I did not want this woman to have my bag. I mosied to the back of the store and stashed it by the cat beds. Ha! I showed her. Yes, I showed some stranger that I am the boss of a purse that I did not buy.

So I found some shorts.

My cousin and I made a few more stops and then went to my house. As we walked through the family room I notice this sign on the back sliding glass door.

Surprise. My husband has become a nudist. I don't mind. He looks pretty good tan and nude. The moral of this storyis that I am a greedy purse lusting wife of a nudist.